Navigating cultural expectations while trying to find my own identity as a Māori person

Many of us have felt that tug-of-war between cultural expectations and our own identities as Māori. It can be tough to navigate what our families, communities, and even the broader society expect from us, while also trying to carve out our own paths. The pressure to uphold traditions and represent our culture can feel overwhelming at times. One thing that helps me is taking small steps to connect with our culture in ways that feel authentic to me. Whether it’s through learning te reo Māori, participating in local events, or simply engaging with our stories, these moments can be really grounding. I remember feeling lost at times, but finding ways to express my identity on my own terms has made a huge difference. For example, I started attending a local kapa haka group, which not only connected me to my roots but also introduced me to others who share similar struggles and aspirations. Another approach many of us find helpful is having open conversations with family and friends about our experiences. Sharing our feelings, even the more challenging ones, can lead to deeper understanding. I found that when I opened up about my journey, my whānau started to share their own struggles with cultural expectations. This sense of camaraderie has been invaluable, and it reminded me that we’re all navigating this together. It’s also important to create space for ourselves to explore our identities outside of the expectations. Some of us might find solace in art, music, or writing, where we can express ourselves freely. I’ve started journaling about my experiences, and it’s been a great way to process everything — the joy, the confusion, and the complexities of being Māori in today’s world. Finding others who understand what we’re going through can be incredibly reassuring. I met someone at a community event who’s also grappling with these expectations, and we decided to meet regularly to share our thoughts and experiences. Just having that connection — knowing someone else gets it — has been a game changer. Anyone else feeling this tug-of-war? I’d love to hear how you’ve been navigating it and what’s helped you find your own space within our culture. Your stories matter, and sometimes just sharing them with someone who truly understands can make all the difference.